It's long been a favorite amusement of mine to laugh at the cute little Korean boys trying to look 'hard,' like street-wise gangsters. Most of them are too pretty to pull it off. They wear make-up and their hair is generally perfectly quaffed. Plus, I'm sorry but I've never seen an asian guy and been intimidated. Even Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, and Jet Li, I don't look at them and quake, though I know they could lay me out without breathing hard. They're just too cute.
When I see an asian guy in gangster style clothes I generally smirk and mentally compare them with 'real' street guys. And by 'real,' (I honestly don't mean to be offensive here) I picture a black guy usually. White guys can pull street tough off ok, but not like black. Black guys are just usually taller, bigger, and better built. Asians, no matter how much they work out, are just designed differently. They're generally shorter (though there are definitely some tall Asians out there) and with smaller muscle structure.
Lets count down the music videos from the ones where I smirk at the precious little lambs trying to be hard to the very worst attempt ever at looking 'street' ever recored on film.
Starting at number 5: DBSK's Survivor.
Reasons Survivor made the list? First, listen to this song without watching the video and it sounds up-beat. Read the translation, and it's a happy, hopeful song. Their surroundings suggest that they have been just trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic environment, but look how clean they are and how new their clothes are! There's not a smudge of grime, a rip or tear, or a piece of second hand clothing anywhere. Three of the five guys in this group have voices much too high to be wearing this style of clothes. They're wearing make up, not a lot, but some, their hair is perfect, and... ah, you get the idea. They are the cleanest, best dressed, happiest 'Survivors' of all time.
Number 4: Super Junior's Don't Don.
This one isn't so, so bad. It's funny because of all the make up, but at least none of them are wearing 'gangster' hats or saggy pants. Yes, some of their dance moves are trying to be hard but then they have the whole violin part which you just can't have if you're trying to portray 'intimidating.' I think I've talked about this before, but Veronica and I both agree that the worst thing these 'gangsters' would ever think of doing is getting ice cream from ice cream trucks and then not paying, thus are they running from said ice cream trucks in the music video.
Number 3: Se7en's Passion.
Even were I considering not talking about the horrible sideways hat worn over a face too soft to ever be considered intimidating... his jackets are freakin' bedazzled. I'm sorry, but that killed it for me... not that it had much life from the very beginning. Anyone else notice that he made the same arm movements for the first 6 seconds of the video? I knew right then that this video would fail. And possibly the worst part? The complete lack of even muscle definition? He's wearing that horrible denim vest thing and has spaghetti noodles for arms. He's not very good at dancing... I think sponge bob could kick this guy down in a street brawl.
Number 2: Beast's Shock!
I had a second thoughts about choosing this video for the list because I couldn't tell if they were really trying to be hard or not. I mean, there was a lot of glitter and shiny so I hesitated. But I think they were trying because of the ripped jeans, all the black clothes, short gloves, spikes and chains. And so, because they are trying to be hard with those things, they get the coveted number two spot! So let's reiterate some of the reasons I thought they might not be trying as some of the reasons they make the list. Look at all the make-up! That's more eyeliner than I usually wear in a month! Most of the guys in this group are fairly pretty too, so that ruins any chance they had of recovering from the make up. See all the shiny? There's sparkles everywhere! Each one of those boys has enough jewelery on to drown a man. None of which is hard. They have the 'glam' down, but street tough? They'd get the crap beaten out of them the moment they stepped out of their doors looking like that.
And the Worst Ever... (Drum roll please!) Big Bang's Nunmul!
... Yeah... Anyone else thinking Taeyang looks completely retarded in cornrows? And the bandanna tied like um...that rapper who died...I forget his name. Tupac? Anyway. You kinda have to get used to the sideways baseball caps when trying to watch R&B style music videos, but this was the first, and hopefully the last, Korean guy I see in cornrows. Plus the back of his jacket had rhinestones! All 5 boys look like they'd been watching way too much MTV, with their T-shirts, baggy jeans, and converse, the nice car just topping off the awful stereotype. And may I ask why they went for the gangster look for such a slow, ballad-type song? Does that make sense to anyone else? There were even a couple dance moves in there that reminded me, spot on, of moves I've seen all too often in San Francisco's rainbow district. Not conducive to inspiring intimidation. I dare anyone to tell me they'd fear for their lives if they met these guys in a dark alley.
This one takes the cake, making me want to either cry or laugh till I cry... I haven't decided. Either way, Please Stop!
Lastly, before I sign off, I want to make an honorable mention here. TOP's Turn It Up.
After I got over the creeped out feeling, this became my 'instant cheer up' video. The reason this didn't make my list of the top five was because I don't think TOP is trying to hard, he's trying to be a pimp, which is slightly different. So this video will probably top my 'Attempting To Be A Pimp' list or 'Funniest Of All Time' list if I ever make one, it didn't quite make my 'Hard' list.
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